When you know - you know. And a Pumpkin cheesecake.

Posted by YUNASENCE on 14th Feb 2024

When you know - you know. And a Pumpkin cheesecake.

When Valentine's Day rolls around, we often get more focused on our loved ones. So today I want to share with you my personal story... Something I've never publicly shared. About learning to self love. 

I've never been a serial dater, and fingers of both hands would be more than enough to count them all. But even among those I was 'lucky' to pick those gems who didn't think twice to let me know how 'unworthy' I was. There was always something wrong with me, not thin enough, boobs too small... and other 'compliments'.  It took years of mental abuse for me to get used to the idea that this is who I am - unworthy, and there is something wrong with me. Back then, I needed validation, and I would essentially do anything to get it. Including body modification. And with every guy I would meet, I automatically would mold myself into an imagined 'perfection' I thought he would like. Just to be not liked back again.

My late grandmother always used to say that when you meed the right guy, you would just know. And I never understood what she meant. Because with every man I dated, the relationship always felt like a hard work and walking on egg shells. 

Years went buy and past mental abuse has done its job affecting everything in my life. Self esteem, self worth, self image and my work. I was almost OK with spending my life alone...

Till one day in a phone conversation with my friend, she mentioned that she is having blind dates almost every day of the week. It was the very same girlfriend who already played a crucial role in my life by helping me escape from my abusive partner. Escape, in a very literal way, with  a suitcase. And here she was again, changing my life, but I didn't know it yet. 

She told me about a dating site I've never heard about. A place where people meet and date. Back then, I never knew that those things existed. It was 2003. How can you date people online? I was intrigued. And of course, being an adventurer that I always was, I had to sign up. 

Fast forward a few weeks...

My husband was the very first blind date I considered to have. I felt that 'this guy' was special. He was the only one who actually had time to talk to me. And not just about the weather or cars. His emails were long and thoughtful. It felt ... different. 

It was Thursday. I agreed to meet him after work on Friday. It was nerve wracking. And I drove everyone insane at work with my 'what ifs'. So my friends told me 'Natalia, you are driving us crazy. Go and meet the guy today. Don't wait till tomorrow". 

So I did. We've met in a public place and ... it clicked right away. He looked so much better than on the pictures. We went for a coffee, which then grew into a dinner. I was swamped off my feet with this guy, who very obviously put ME first. As well as was drop dead gorgeous himself. I felt like it was a love at first sight. OK, from second...... In the conversation, among other things, he told me that he loves to cook and bake. What what???? And he mentioned that he made a Pumpkin cheesecake (it was Thanksgiving time). As a joke I said that I would like a piece. And then forgot all about it.

On the next day, on our date there was 3 of us. Me, him and a slice of pumpkin cheesecake. Carefully wrapped and with plastic fork. That was the day I knew that I will marry this guy. It took only 2 days. Then, I knew what my grandmother meant, when you know - you know. It was effortless. I still approached this relationship cautiously for a while waiting when he will turn in one of those guys from my past. But it never happened.

21 years, and 2 kids later. Still here, like the first day we met.

So my message is, don't accept abuse of any kind. Don't give anyone the gratification of torturing you to compensate for their own issues. Love yourself first. You deserve the best. And only when you love yourself first, you foster great relationships with others who appreciate your unique greatness.